Friday, November 5, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!
Holy Stressing Me OUT BATMAN!!! So life has been rather interesting lately. I have not been going to the gym. I don't really know what my problem is but dear lord I can not seem to go. I am gearing up for my America's Got Talent Audition and just discovered HORROR!! I have to sing this damn song a capella!! This is not good. This is going to stress me out. Not only am I doing this but I am doing some open mic nights as well. I think all the hair that I have regrown is going to be ripped out!!! So what does all this have to do with a weight loss blog? Well, I do not handle stress well. I am a stress eater but need to curb that!! This is going to be a tough battle. I need to figure this crap out. I have no idea if I should do the same song or not now. If I take the song that I am working on now, I am taking a huge risk. If I take my go to song then I might not even get to advance to the next round. This is quite the catch 22. So I am going to do my best not to gorge myself on cookies and try to put this together. Plus I need to work on my scene for acting class. I have all this going on and there is one person that I want to call but I know he is busy!!!!!! AAAAAAAARGRRRRGGHHGGH
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Holy Kick Boxing Batman!!
For those of you who follow me on facebook, you know how I love my holy ...... batman! phrases!! So today was day 2 of kickboxing lessons and I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love taking out frustration and just plain kicking the shit out of something, but oh dear lord am I sore afterward. I can burn a crap tone of calories and I am totally having a great time while doing it. I have my new trainer William to thank for introducing me to this fantastic exercise!! I will continue to keep this up.
So speaking of the new trainer, I have to say that I have not yet quite made up my mind just yet about him. There are some pro's and con's as with everything in life. He seems new to the whole personal training thing. Either that or I make him nervous. I have heard that I make people nervous and I don't get that. I am a totally teddy bear. Now I don't put up with too much crap but I don't think I am intimidating by any means. I guess it is all about perception. Back to the new trainer. I like that he totally tries to educate me on why we are doing things and what I am supposed to be focusing on. So, total points for that!! The down side is he is a talker. He explains a little to much. Now I have tried to show him that I am a quick study on most everything and that I learn more by doing. He seems to be catching on to that but it all remains to be seen. I only have 6 more sessions left with him and have not decided if I am going to continue with the personal training. I totally want to but it all comes down to finances. I have given Xsport a lot of money, I think I should get some free sessions. If they did that I bet they would be 3 times as busy as they already are. I mean think of it. Say you get 1 free session for every 10 that you buy? Hell that ids like $50 off in a way. I would buy 50 sessions so that I can get 5 free ones!! Not only am I getting in shape but it is a bittersweet reward for getting my ass kicked by trainers and getting free sessions as well!!
Other news, I think I need to start a what in the hell is wrong with people blog! I am sure it would get far more followers but I am sure there are tons of them out there. We will see what develops. Alright kids, I am going to work on this damn book. Stay well peeps!
So speaking of the new trainer, I have to say that I have not yet quite made up my mind just yet about him. There are some pro's and con's as with everything in life. He seems new to the whole personal training thing. Either that or I make him nervous. I have heard that I make people nervous and I don't get that. I am a totally teddy bear. Now I don't put up with too much crap but I don't think I am intimidating by any means. I guess it is all about perception. Back to the new trainer. I like that he totally tries to educate me on why we are doing things and what I am supposed to be focusing on. So, total points for that!! The down side is he is a talker. He explains a little to much. Now I have tried to show him that I am a quick study on most everything and that I learn more by doing. He seems to be catching on to that but it all remains to be seen. I only have 6 more sessions left with him and have not decided if I am going to continue with the personal training. I totally want to but it all comes down to finances. I have given Xsport a lot of money, I think I should get some free sessions. If they did that I bet they would be 3 times as busy as they already are. I mean think of it. Say you get 1 free session for every 10 that you buy? Hell that ids like $50 off in a way. I would buy 50 sessions so that I can get 5 free ones!! Not only am I getting in shape but it is a bittersweet reward for getting my ass kicked by trainers and getting free sessions as well!!
Other news, I think I need to start a what in the hell is wrong with people blog! I am sure it would get far more followers but I am sure there are tons of them out there. We will see what develops. Alright kids, I am going to work on this damn book. Stay well peeps!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Pain
So I started with my new trainer Will yesterday and well, frankly he kicked my ass. We did boxing, which I love, kick boxing, and other various routines. I am so flipping sore from that! I went in today and saw him again. We did a different routine but I am petty sure that I will be adding to the pain tomorrow. The physical pain is well worth it. This way you know that you did something. I am taking tomorrow off from the gym in order to rest. Lot's of water and protein will help but it still hurts.
While I am on the subject of pain, I want to touch on emotional pain. Now I don't really have a reason to feel any emotional pain or sadness right now but I am feeling it. Perhaps the stars are just out of whack, who knows. I know that I am kind of bummed because I want to see that someone special right now but I am not sure it is going to happen. Hopefully it will but not everything is in my control. In the past when I would feel like this I would turn to eating garbage and moping around. This still happens on occasion but for the most part I either turn to singing or actually going to the gym. I try to get my mind off of it but for all of those who know me personally, this is not an easy task. I am someone full of extreme emotions and passions that I feel all the time. So something small to someone else is usually a big deal for me. Now I am not a basket case, I have learned how to rope these emotions in, but sometimes they get the better of me. I mean I really shouldn't worry about anything when it comes to that someone but I do. I am still learning how to take things slow. The neurotic phase is pretty much over, thank the lord!!
I know everything in life takes time and I am becoming more and more patient, but I still want to hit the ground running sometimes. Like I have been saying for a while, Just keep swimming.
While I am on the subject of pain, I want to touch on emotional pain. Now I don't really have a reason to feel any emotional pain or sadness right now but I am feeling it. Perhaps the stars are just out of whack, who knows. I know that I am kind of bummed because I want to see that someone special right now but I am not sure it is going to happen. Hopefully it will but not everything is in my control. In the past when I would feel like this I would turn to eating garbage and moping around. This still happens on occasion but for the most part I either turn to singing or actually going to the gym. I try to get my mind off of it but for all of those who know me personally, this is not an easy task. I am someone full of extreme emotions and passions that I feel all the time. So something small to someone else is usually a big deal for me. Now I am not a basket case, I have learned how to rope these emotions in, but sometimes they get the better of me. I mean I really shouldn't worry about anything when it comes to that someone but I do. I am still learning how to take things slow. The neurotic phase is pretty much over, thank the lord!!
I know everything in life takes time and I am becoming more and more patient, but I still want to hit the ground running sometimes. Like I have been saying for a while, Just keep swimming.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Re-energized!!
So I dragged my overweight ass back to the gym today just because I needed to get away from home. I decided to go talk to the trainers there and see what they had to offer. BTW I am going to Piper's Alley Xsport now and LOVE IT!! Well whatever dude I talked to first seemed annoyed that I just stopped by and didn't really listen to me. He called over a trainer named Will.
Well, First of all I was like who in the hell are you? What kind of style do you train in? Yadda yadda yadda. I sat down with Will and went over my background and all that jazz. We seemed to connect on a good level so I figured that I would schedule a session with him. To my surprise he took me through a brief workout. We did boxing, which was phenomena!!!! I flipping loved that!! I apparently did really well. Of course I did! I am pretty amazing!! Ha ha ha ha. I did two one minute sessions and OMG was I feeling it. We went over to this Puremotion machine that looks like some form of jungle gym for adults or some kind of S&M thing. Anyway, I digress. I like that word a lot. I lifted my 245lb as up off the floor and was doing reverse bench press. He wasn't asking for very many reps so I decided to blow him away and do as many as I felt like!! Needless to say he was stunned. We continued to do various exercises on the Puremotion machine. All in all the workout lasted 25 minutes with a lot of rest because of the conversation. I burned like 477 calories which is pretty awesome for lots of rest and not a super intense workout.
We sat down again and proceeded to schedule some sessions. I am super excited and will probably re sign up with him after we see what he can do in this month. If I get what I am expecting then he will be well worth it. I wish I would have gone through this process with Thomas at South Loop but I didn't get a chance to talk to Meg. I talked to whatever Steven guy or whomever and again wasn't listened to but trusted their judgment because of the success that I had with Dave. I still miss Dave. He was the best trainer ever. I wish him great success in his new position with Xsport. He definitely deserved it. Such a great guy. He will be in my book. They all will actually.
So I am super stoked to get started again and will totally be rocking one hot fucking body in no time!! I have lost over 100lbs and I will be go to hell if anything will stop me from hitting my goals. I'm going to make it after all!!!
Well, First of all I was like who in the hell are you? What kind of style do you train in? Yadda yadda yadda. I sat down with Will and went over my background and all that jazz. We seemed to connect on a good level so I figured that I would schedule a session with him. To my surprise he took me through a brief workout. We did boxing, which was phenomena!!!! I flipping loved that!! I apparently did really well. Of course I did! I am pretty amazing!! Ha ha ha ha. I did two one minute sessions and OMG was I feeling it. We went over to this Puremotion machine that looks like some form of jungle gym for adults or some kind of S&M thing. Anyway, I digress. I like that word a lot. I lifted my 245lb as up off the floor and was doing reverse bench press. He wasn't asking for very many reps so I decided to blow him away and do as many as I felt like!! Needless to say he was stunned. We continued to do various exercises on the Puremotion machine. All in all the workout lasted 25 minutes with a lot of rest because of the conversation. I burned like 477 calories which is pretty awesome for lots of rest and not a super intense workout.
We sat down again and proceeded to schedule some sessions. I am super excited and will probably re sign up with him after we see what he can do in this month. If I get what I am expecting then he will be well worth it. I wish I would have gone through this process with Thomas at South Loop but I didn't get a chance to talk to Meg. I talked to whatever Steven guy or whomever and again wasn't listened to but trusted their judgment because of the success that I had with Dave. I still miss Dave. He was the best trainer ever. I wish him great success in his new position with Xsport. He definitely deserved it. Such a great guy. He will be in my book. They all will actually.
So I am super stoked to get started again and will totally be rocking one hot fucking body in no time!! I have lost over 100lbs and I will be go to hell if anything will stop me from hitting my goals. I'm going to make it after all!!!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
I'm Still Here
Yes I am still alive people! Oh wait no one reads this damn thing, and yet I still am writing it. What is wrong with you people? You need to follow and read this blog. How are you ever going to know what kind of random, moronic, and misspelled thoughts that I have?!?!? I have never been so insulted in my life!!! Well, actually yes I have but that will be saved for another day. Maybe one where you people read this!!!!!
Ok. Enough badgering and begging for readers. I started this blog with the goal of sharing my weight loss trials and tribulations and have veered off the path a couple of times. Sorry about that. I promise to get back to the point!!
So the contest came and went. I didn't even make it as a finalist. I lost some steam and plateaued. It happens. I had been going non-stop since November 2009 and I frankly was tired of losing weight. I still am. I am over this fucking process. I want to be done losing and just maintaining but I still have like 50-60 more pounds to go and it feels like forever. I totally want to save my money and get liposuction (not gastric bybass people!) and call it done but I can't do that. I know that I have earned this after losing 111 fricking pounds but it defeats the whole purpose. I would totally not be able to write by book then. I would be a fraud!!!
Yesterday I finally went back to the gym. I changed it up and tried a new location that I LOVE!! It felt great to work out again. I am a little sore today which is usually a good sign. I may try to make it today but will definitely make it there tomorrow. I still have some personal training sessions left and I am going to try and find another trainer. This last replacement really kind of sucked. He was not motivating at all. Hell he speant more time talking about himself and texting during our sessions. I tend to have this affect on people where they feel the need to tell me a bunch of crap that I could care less about and never want to listen to me. It is like when people do that sigh because they want you to drag out of them whatever they want to talk about. I am guilty of that from time to time but if you see someone typing a lot maybe they don't really want to talk because they are busy!!! I digress. So we will see what Piper's Alley has to offer.
I am back to eating healthy again which is awesome and sucks at the same time. I miss eating healthy and feel better eating but it makes eating out difficult and I love to eat out. That sounds gross. Although I have recently been cooking again and love it!! I may start taking my lunches to work because I can not eat that crap anymore. If I have to eat another damn sandwich I am going to scream!! Salads are useless in my opinion. so whatever I will figure it out.
I am getting back to me and back on all these projects that I want to do. I am thinking about starting a youtube show. It will probably be as successful as this blog is!!!! READ IT!!!! I hope my book gets a better reception. Still wanting to put together a Cabaret act but I think my friend is not going to work out. It is just going to be me I guess which is nerve racking. Acting classes start on the 21st!!! Excited and scared about that. Still trying to figure out headshots and all that jazz. Thinking about moving so that I can save some money. Still in Chicago but moving out west. Sorry random tangents again.
So back to fitness and eating right. Back to my book. Back to me and finding balance with everything. So we will see!!!!
Ok. Enough badgering and begging for readers. I started this blog with the goal of sharing my weight loss trials and tribulations and have veered off the path a couple of times. Sorry about that. I promise to get back to the point!!
So the contest came and went. I didn't even make it as a finalist. I lost some steam and plateaued. It happens. I had been going non-stop since November 2009 and I frankly was tired of losing weight. I still am. I am over this fucking process. I want to be done losing and just maintaining but I still have like 50-60 more pounds to go and it feels like forever. I totally want to save my money and get liposuction (not gastric bybass people!) and call it done but I can't do that. I know that I have earned this after losing 111 fricking pounds but it defeats the whole purpose. I would totally not be able to write by book then. I would be a fraud!!!
Yesterday I finally went back to the gym. I changed it up and tried a new location that I LOVE!! It felt great to work out again. I am a little sore today which is usually a good sign. I may try to make it today but will definitely make it there tomorrow. I still have some personal training sessions left and I am going to try and find another trainer. This last replacement really kind of sucked. He was not motivating at all. Hell he speant more time talking about himself and texting during our sessions. I tend to have this affect on people where they feel the need to tell me a bunch of crap that I could care less about and never want to listen to me. It is like when people do that sigh because they want you to drag out of them whatever they want to talk about. I am guilty of that from time to time but if you see someone typing a lot maybe they don't really want to talk because they are busy!!! I digress. So we will see what Piper's Alley has to offer.
I am back to eating healthy again which is awesome and sucks at the same time. I miss eating healthy and feel better eating but it makes eating out difficult and I love to eat out. That sounds gross. Although I have recently been cooking again and love it!! I may start taking my lunches to work because I can not eat that crap anymore. If I have to eat another damn sandwich I am going to scream!! Salads are useless in my opinion. so whatever I will figure it out.
I am getting back to me and back on all these projects that I want to do. I am thinking about starting a youtube show. It will probably be as successful as this blog is!!!! READ IT!!!! I hope my book gets a better reception. Still wanting to put together a Cabaret act but I think my friend is not going to work out. It is just going to be me I guess which is nerve racking. Acting classes start on the 21st!!! Excited and scared about that. Still trying to figure out headshots and all that jazz. Thinking about moving so that I can save some money. Still in Chicago but moving out west. Sorry random tangents again.
So back to fitness and eating right. Back to my book. Back to me and finding balance with everything. So we will see!!!!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
I'm On a Mission
So much is changing for me and about me. The person you all know is evolving into someone new. I am not 100% sure who I will become besides a new fantastic version of me. I would love to be there for everyone but for once I am truly going to focus on myself. I will do what I can but to paraphrase a wonderful Sondheim Song, It's my time now and all I have to do is show 'em and I will honeys!!! I have a lot of work to do but I know that I meant for so much more and I am off to find my true career. I have always been a story teller but now I am going to be telling stories in different ways!! Please stay tuned and I thank you all for putting up with me this whole time!!!! Much love!!!!!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Snaps
People that tell you who you are are morons. How the hell do you know who I am better then I do? That's right you don't. Heffers. I mean ok, you might be surprised or even shocked at what someone says but that is not to say that you know that person better then they know themselves. It just kind of annoys me when people get on this soap box that they think they know everything. A side note for everyone, watch your Freudian slips because I catch all of them and make notes!!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Frustration
Frustration is a useless emotion. Well, is it even an emotion? I think it is just a pain in my ass, like most people in my life are. I sit here watching Drop Dead Diva and I really like this show. For those of you who don't know this show's basis is a bit on the far fetched side but it has a lot of good little messages. I know many people don't think shows should have messages but I like it when there is a message. I may be lame but I usually can identify with the messages in the show. As in this episode Jane, realizes that it is time to move forward and stop living in the past. I realize its not really a message per say but I don't care. Maybe it is time to listen to what the universe is telling me. I don't know. I am just getting worn down trying to figure out things. I am just tired of it all. No wonder depression sits in so easily for me. I just know what I want but have the hardest time trying to figure out how to get it. Maybe one day, until then who the hell knows. Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm threw with playing by the rules of someone else's game. To late for second guessing, to late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts. Close my eyes and leap. Its time try defying gravity. Pretty much sums it up.
Peace
Peace
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Whatever
I should be in bed sadly on a saturday night at 10pm but I am not. I just got home from work and have to be back at 5:30. Gotta love it. Just thinking about things and I just wonder what the hell is going on. I mean I am trying not to be a debbie downer here but damn. It seems that all I can do is focus on negative things and being lonely. I know I am young and all that crap. I am so tired of hearing you will meet the right person one day, blah, blah, blah. It's funny how I know what I want but can't seem to figure out how to get it. I sit here actually chuckling because it all seems so silly. It is not that I need someone to complete me or any of that crap. I am a complete person all on my own. I just want to share my life with the right guy and raise a couple of kids. I didn't think that I was asking to much out of life. I am soooo exhausted with dealing with this. I know you find love when you aren't looking for it and all but come on. I have reached the point that I don't cry about it anymore. What good does it do? I promise that this blog will turn either super bitchy and funny or completely ridiculous. Just got an idea!! I think I am going to sing it out tomorrow. People better be ready to go with me!!!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thoughts from a recovering fatty fatkins
So if you couldn't already tell this blog has a lot to do with being fat and losing weight. It is not intended to be negative, but a realistic journey for a very fat gay man. Not only will this deal with my journey of becoming the man that I am meant to be but also will deal with the inner workings of my mind. You have been warned!!! So let's dive right in shall we?!
As I sit here watching American Masters -Carol Burnett, I can't help but let my mind wander to different things. I have been pretty depressed and scared lately about being alone and dealing with what that means. I have gone a bit cra-cra!! After seeing Glee live and talking to a my mom and a wonderful person that is always there for me I began to realize that I need to get back to me. I miss singing and acting and being on stage. It's crazy but I am at home on stage. I am hoping by getting back to my craft will allow me to work through my emotions in a more constructive way. I need an outlet of some sort. Perhaps this will help. There are many songs that speak to me and one right now that is constantly in my head is "If It Kills Me" by Jason Mraz. Right now I really want to ask someone to hold my heart in their hand but I am not so bold. I just hope that making myself better will show this person the amazing person that I once was and will be again. I'm getting older and really would like to start a family soon and want it to be with someone who inspires me, someone who gives me something to sing about. Please give me something to sing about! Maybe this person will take a chance on me but maybe they won't. It all remains to be seen. I just want a Bad Romance! These posts kill me!! I don't know what to do here!?!? This double life I lead isn't healthy for me, in fact it makes nervous. If I get caught I could be risking it all. Tell me you know, yeah you figured me out. Something gave me away.
On a lighter note, I have entered a Get Fit Challenge at my gym and first prize is $10,000!! Wish me luck! This starts next week for 12 weeks so it will be interesting to see what I can accomplish.
As I sit here watching American Masters -Carol Burnett, I can't help but let my mind wander to different things. I have been pretty depressed and scared lately about being alone and dealing with what that means. I have gone a bit cra-cra!! After seeing Glee live and talking to a my mom and a wonderful person that is always there for me I began to realize that I need to get back to me. I miss singing and acting and being on stage. It's crazy but I am at home on stage. I am hoping by getting back to my craft will allow me to work through my emotions in a more constructive way. I need an outlet of some sort. Perhaps this will help. There are many songs that speak to me and one right now that is constantly in my head is "If It Kills Me" by Jason Mraz. Right now I really want to ask someone to hold my heart in their hand but I am not so bold. I just hope that making myself better will show this person the amazing person that I once was and will be again. I'm getting older and really would like to start a family soon and want it to be with someone who inspires me, someone who gives me something to sing about. Please give me something to sing about! Maybe this person will take a chance on me but maybe they won't. It all remains to be seen. I just want a Bad Romance! These posts kill me!! I don't know what to do here!?!? This double life I lead isn't healthy for me, in fact it makes nervous. If I get caught I could be risking it all. Tell me you know, yeah you figured me out. Something gave me away.
On a lighter note, I have entered a Get Fit Challenge at my gym and first prize is $10,000!! Wish me luck! This starts next week for 12 weeks so it will be interesting to see what I can accomplish.
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